I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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