Will you blow on my dice?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
