So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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