Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
