i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
