since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
