So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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