i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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