so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
