Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
