im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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