Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
