Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
