I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
