I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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