THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
