I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
