I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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