he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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