I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
