The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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