My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
