great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
