omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
