Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
