3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
