we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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