Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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