just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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