like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
