someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
