I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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