You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
