I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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