Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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