The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that's an acceptable place to lick
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
