the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Welp...herpes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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