i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
