there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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