If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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