im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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