well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
