A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
