It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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