He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize