She is in my trunk
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
