Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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