i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
