Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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