I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
