If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
