at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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