i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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