tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
