Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
