I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
