so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
