i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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