i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think your dad took our porno
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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