I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
