I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
