So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
