I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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