Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
