dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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