Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
