peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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