I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
