its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
