I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize