Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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