Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
