I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize