Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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