I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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