Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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