So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
