she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
