I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
