sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
