I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
