Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
