I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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