I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
