ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
