my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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