Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
