What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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