just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
