YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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